lolz.info – Jokes blog

A guy’s on the electric chair. The warden’s just about to pull the switchwhen the guy gets the hiccups. The warden says, “Do you have any lastrequests?” The guy says, “(hic) Yeah… (hic) could you please do (hic)could you please do something to scare me?”

A city boy was visiting the country and wanted to go hunting. The farmer lent the boy his gun, telling him not to kill any farm animals. The city boy headed off and soon after saw a goat. He managed to creep into range and finally shot it. Not knowing anything about animals, the boy didn’t know what he’d killed so he ran to the farmhouse and described his kill to the farmer.”It had two saggy tits, a beard, a hard head and it stunk like hell!” said the boy.”Oh, shit!” said the farmer. “You’ve shot the wife!”

This elderly woman passed a police van loading up the girls from a local brothel, and as she passed by, she asked one girl what the lineup was for. the girl shrugged and said, jokingly, “cough drops” and snickered.Just then the cop approached the old gal and said, “What are you doing here, m’am?”The woman pulled herself up to her full height oF 4’4 and replied, “Well, I can suck em can’t I?”

The doctor comes out of the delivery room and says to the father, “I’m sorry to have to tell you this, Mr. Jones, but apparently your child was born with no arms, only one leg, and teeth that project six inches out of its mouth.”Mr. Jones cries, “My God! What will we do with such a deformed baby?”The doctor says, “Use it as a rake?”

I was walking down an alley last night, when I heard,”Help! Help!” coming from behind a dumpster. Two thugswere trying to steal an old lady’s handbag, but sheputting up a Hell of a fight and wouldn’t let go. I wondered if I should get involved, or keep walkingand pretend I didn’t see anything… I finally decidedthat I should help. It didn’t take the three of us very long to get her handbag.

Jones is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he hasto take a shit real bad.The toilet in his room isn’t working, so he bolts downto use the lobby Men’s Room, but all of the stalls areoccupied, so he runs back up to his room, and indesperation, he drops his pants, uproots a plant, andtakes a shit in the pot. Then he puts the plant back inthe pot and leaves.Two weeks later, he gets a postcard from the hotel thatsays, “Dear Mr. Jones, All is forgiven. Just tell us…where is it?”

The Lone Ranger and Tonto had been riding down the trailall day. When they had stopped to take a rest Tontoplaced his ear to the ground and listened. “Buffalo come,” remarked Tonto. “How can you tell, Tonto?” asked the Lone Ranger. “Face sticky.”